Again, thoughts and dreams, though no candyland

I'm sitting here in the home of a friend, typing this out on my smartphone, thinking about the last couple of days and my goals (or lack of them) in relation to my dreams and desires for
the future. I suppose, in a way, I do have goals in my dreams, but they're vague and broad in the way dreams tend to be and they're all long term. Long term goals are nothing bad, but because some of them are so far off we lose focus, at least I do. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It's small steps and short term goals that accompany the long that help those like me actually achieve them. So far however, I don't have any of those.

This represents a problem, one that can be quickly remedied but a problem none-the-less. My goals consist of something like this: someday I'll get back to school, graduate with some degree I haven't decided on yet, become an author and provide both necessities and luxuries for my family. These are all great desires, they just lack direction and sense of "wheness" and since life, as it always does, has proven once more that my ability to procrastinate is not necessarily a good one but in fact the opposite, I've started to ponder these things. You see, I'm in the beginning chapters of starting my very own family, something I've always wanted, but I feel so unprepared for, especially when one stops to consider how quickly things have unfolded. I must confess that I am exited though.

I'm especially looking forward to the little alien-like creature currently growing inside my wife's body. That's right, I'm going to be a daddy, poor kid. I'm excited, thrilled, joyed even, however, I'm also terrified. Who am I to raise another living human being? To care for them and teach them how to live, who am I to show the way? Ironically the song, With Arms Wide Open, (which I've always loved) happens to play over the radio at work several times every day, expressing and reaffirming many of my same doubts, hopes and wishes in regards to being a father. (That sounds strange to me, father.)

It will most definitely be a learning experience for me, that much I know because so far it already has been. As I just said, I am looking forward to it and sharing my experiences with my wife, my family and my friends. Which, if you're reading this, includes you too (no matter if we haven't met yet.)

And so, I return to my hopes and dreams and the goals to reach them. Baby steps, small steps, and a constant forward motion are what I need. I so I've set a goal for myself to make small, daily and acheivable goals to help me reach my larger goals (which now most definitely includes being a good father, though I think that comes more from patience, listening and, mostly, experience) and then to do these things everyday, or as often as my small steps dictate. This way I'll be able to accomplish my goals and do what I need to do in order to finish what I want to do.

So hopefully, by my next post, I'll be on my way to achieving all these things and more. Until then, however, goodnight and keep dreaming.