Writing, Guitar Playing and getting organized

I'm happy.

I'll tell you why.

I've recently started writing full steam again, it's the first time I've done so in a very long time. I stopped because it was hard for me to find time to do it, or that's what I told myself. Like I've already mentioned in the previous post, I'm a stay at home dad (which is quite literally the best job in the world because I get to spend all of my time with my son, at home, or wherever our adventures take us), and being a stay at home dad, or just a parent, means there's a little someone who is going to depend on you. Need to eat, have their diaper changed, be entertained, be changed again, fed again, loved and cuddled, have the random objects that have been teleported into their little mouths removed so they don't choke, along a billion other things.

In other words, they take up a lot of time and it's spread out through the entire day. I never really seemed to have time to write, at least, not really enough of it to have a good writing session. I used this, along with lots of other things, as an excuse to not write.

But I've stopped making excuses and as luck would have it, my son is now napping once a day for about three hours.

It is awesome!

I started to use nap time to write and meet the daily word count goal I set for myself at the beginning of the year.

I also did something else that helped, I sat down and wrote out a sort of schedule. I took the hours of the day and counted out how much time I was using productively to get things done. I looked at the hours my son is generally awake and those he spends asleep. I looked at how many hours I use up sleeping, how much I actually needed and thenlooked at the list of daily goals that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed. I estimated about how much time I would need for each item on the list. I compared all of it and found I had time, I just had to stop wasting it on other things and make a little more.

So I cut off everything from myself until I had my daily word count done. No TV, no Facebook, Twitter or internet in general (in fact, I actually cut a lot of it out and set goals for myself to be "present when I'm present" or in other words, not be sucked into my phone while I'm with others. I'm doing better, but still working on it) I also figured if I cut a little sleep out, I could use that extra time in the morning to help get things done.

It worked.

I woke up at 6:30 the other day and sat down and wrote. I wrote over 2,800 words. Some might look at that and scoff but I felt amazed and very proud of myself. That's over my daily word count goal and I did it all before my son woke up for the day. That left me the whole rest of the day to do a lot of other things.

I went running two miles..

Okay, jogging...

Okay, okay, I mostly just walked, but hey, I got out! My son and I actually went outside and walked around and played in the sun.

I cleaned things.

Unbelievable, I know.

I used those three hours of naptime to do other things, like look up some markets for my short stories and look into some at home work opportunities.

I did a lot that day.

Sadly, I only did it once this last week. I am not a morning person.

I repeat.

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

I'm hoping to change that because I used to be and I find that the days I do wake up early, not only do I get a lot done, but I also feel better, healthier and happier.

Another thing I'm really happy about.

I started playing my guitar again!

It feels so good to play music.

I'm rusty, but I'm picking back up on it pretty quick. (Though my hand is not used to playing bar chords anymore. Ouch...). For me, playing the guitar is immensely therapeutic and helps me relieve A LOT of stress in a very healthy way. It's relaxing to just sit down and pluck at the strings and listen.

I'm currently reminding myself how to play an acoustic version of Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls, while also learning Amanda Palmer's The Bed Song and Of Monsters and Men's Dirty Paws. They're all a lot of fun to play.

I'm seriously considering offering guitar lessons, I thought about it once before, but never did anything more than that. I'm currently looking into it, how I would go about it and what I have to offer. I would be mostly for beginners and intermediate players.

I'll post more on that soon.

SO...

What do you do to help you with your goals?
What things do you enjoy that help you relax and relieve stress?

I'm off. It'll be bedtime soon if I plan on getting up to write. Take care. Be seeing you soon.

Friendship, Myself and Regret

Over the past few months I have often found myself looking back on life. Not so much on events, experiences or missed opportunities, as on the people who I've had the honor of meeting, getting to know and in some cases, having the privilege of becoming their friend.

As I looked back at these people who've left their footprints in my soul, I wondered why they're no longer a part of my life. The answer was blatantly obvious, even as the question was formed. The reason why I don't have them anymore is because of me.

For those who don't know me, I'm not a very social person. In fact, the words: anti-social, introvert and socially retarded are all very acute and accurate descriptions of who, and how, I am. I've been told by many people that they were a little intimidated by me at first because I looked angry or upset. I'll admit that I have my bad days, as does everyone, and if I haven't had any food in me for awhile then I do get irritable, but more often than not, I'm actually quite happy.

I'm just quiet. I'm not good at small talk because for some reason my brain just doesn't grasp the concept, if I don't have something to say, something to contribute to the conversation, then I won't say anything. I won't leave your small talk question unanswered (unless I'm spaced out and don't hear it, several of my family members suspect I have ADD to some degree, this would not surprise me in the least), but I won't put forth a lot of effort to keep the small talk going, either. I think this may be because, unlike most people, silence doesn't bother me. It isn't awkward and I don't need every moment to be filled with chatter. My mind finds plenty of stimulation within my own thoughts and my surroundings.

There's more, but I think I've made my point. Being this way makes it hard for me to make friends, I don't open up until I begin to feel comfortable around those I'm with and that can take several days to a week or so, once I do open up, there's no guarantee that anyone will really like me. As I said, I'm a bit socially retarded, which can make things awkward. Of course, generally speaking, once you make friends you go out and do things with them.

I enjoy going out and having fun, but I also love just hanging out at home with a good book. I don't mind being alone and actually prefer it most of the time.

Not to mention, I'm married and on top of that I have a son. A beautiful little boy who happens to be my pride and joy. Literally the light and life of my world. He also keeps me incredibly busy. Sometime last year, after becoming unemployed, my wife and I switched roles, now she works and I'm a stay at home dad (anyone who says this isn't work isn't a parent) and I love it. It can be exhausting though and takes up most of my time. I have a life of my own and like so many others, get caught up in it all too much.

The bad side to all of the above is that while making friends is hard, keeping them is ridiculous. Or at least, maintaining a close friendship. Over time, they kind of just fade away. There a few people who I will always consider friends, no matter how long it's been since I last saw them. These are the people I've been looking back on as of late.

I know that one of these friends was married not too long ago and I hear he's happy, for which I'm very grateful. Another, I know almost nothing about, it's been years since we last spoke and we parted ways on terms that weren't all that great. I don't think this person really considers me a friend anymore and I doubt they'd have any desire for me to be one again, but I will always consider myself a friend to this person and if a day come when they need me, I will be there. That goes for all of my friends, but for these two doubly. They've had more of an impact on my life then either will ever know and both helped me through a difficult time in my life.

I hear about the first every now and then, the two of us drifted away after I met my wife but we continued talking at work, then I lost my job. Months before I'd gotten a new phone, lost his contact info and never bothered to get it again. I should. I don't think it would be very difficult in his case.

As for the other, I've only heard a couple bits here and there from my sister. All I really hope is that this friend is happy because they deserve nothing less. I'd love to reestablish that friendship, but I worry the bridge is burnt, that they wouldn't be happy to see me and that I might do more damage than good.

This post is starting to go on a little long so I'll wrap up.

I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them, and to each of them and to anyone else I may have hurt or neglected.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be a better person. A better friend.

If you've read this, I want you to know.

I miss you, I love you and hope you are well.