First and foremost I want to make clear that while the topic
I’m writing about focuses on people in the LDS (Mormon) religion, it applies to
ALL religions and belief systems, whether there is a God involved or not, from
faith to politics. Second and maybe more important is this is not an attack of
any sort on Mormons, especially Mormons in Utah, or any other faith or belief
system.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, commonly known and referred to as the Mormon Church.
I live in Utah and have lived here for the majority of my
life. If there are any reading this who are unfamiliar with the state of Utah
let’s just say it is predominately Mormon. As such, life in Utah can be a
strange thing to behold if you’re from out of state and even more so if you aren’t a Mormon.
The topic I want to address today is one that a friend of
mine, who is not Mormon, brought up on Facebook and which immediately received
several responses. That topic is the ‘Utah Mormon’.
For anyone in Utah who is not a member of the LDS church, or
a former member, often referred to as having “fallen away,” this term is
immediately understood to some degree because they have, undoubtedly, crossed
paths with a ‘Utah Mormon’.
The term implies that there is a difference between ‘Utah
Mormons’ and other (regular?) Mormons and truth be told, there is and it’s a
big difference.
While the term ‘Utah Mormon’ seems to imply any Mormon from
Utah, this is untrue, because there are many Mormons in Utah who do not share
the traits I am about to discuss and there are Mormons outside of Utah who do.
I imagine the term came to life in light of the fact that
there is a much greater concentration of Mormons here than anywhere else and
because of this there are more people who share these traits, feed off of them
and adopt them. You could compare it to a mob mentality, though generally
speaking ‘Utah Mormons’ mean well, mostly, but that doesn’t always mean the end
result is a good one. To put it more precisely and bit more elegantly, another friend described it as the following, “‘Utah
Mormon’ describes a broken social mentality brimming with ignorance, found
primarily in [Utah]. Is every Mormon in Utah a ‘Utah Mormon’? No, absolutely
not.”
The terminology is unfair, it is a stereotype and unfairness
is a defining trait of stereotypes. With that in mind let’s continue.
The original post was, “The
difference between Mormons and Utah Mormons: the former accepts and welcomes
friends, the latter hopes their friends will someday see the light and repent.”
I agree with this statement and
would like to add a bit to it and take it a step further. I believe there are
two types of ‘Utah Mormons’.
The first being the type mentioned
above.
If you are not a member, or were a
member, and you cross paths with a ‘Utah Mormon’, odds are good that they take
it as their own personal calling from God to do anything in their power to make
sure you convert or return to the church. Or at the very least, they will hope
and pray that you do.
I’ve met people like this, I have friends
who are like this and you better believe that I have been made a target to
these people in the past. To be fair, in the Mormon religion, we are taught to
share our beliefs, that “every member [is] a missionary.” I believe there is a
big difference between sharing our beliefs and trying to convert anyone who
believes differently.
I take issue with this mindset, as
does everyone else, including ‘Utah
Mormons’. Let me explain why.
Generally speaking, people don’t like
or appreciate being told they’re wrong. It’s a pride thing, a human thing. People
want to be accepted and liked, no matter what they say or do. It is a very
basic attribute. We, being human, are very social creatures. It is in our
nature. Even the quiet people, the loners, the bitter and mean, the shy and
antisocial all need and crave a certain amount of social interaction and
acceptance.
Brazenly trying to convert somebody
who isn’t interested may fill a part of that social interaction but I guarantee
that the message you are sending to those you wish to convert is anything but
acceptance. To be clear, the message sounds more like this, “I’m willing to
accept you, but only if you set aside any beliefs that are contrary to my own
and accept my religion as the one true faith,”
I know some of you reading this may
see that and say, “But my religion is
the one true faith,” and this is where I *facepalm* and tell you that you
missed the point.
I’m going to throw something out
there. People who have a religion tend to believe that their religion is the “one true religion” so telling
someone that it isn’t by trying to convince them of the veracity of your own
again falls into that whole “you’re wrong” category. This is also true of those
who do not have a religion, who may or may not even believe that a God exists
at all. They have their reasons for believing what they do, everybody does and
those reasons are extremely personal.
These beliefs are so personal that
they are often deciding factors for many, if not all, of life’s major
decisions. To suddenly tell someone their religion is wrong or that their lack
of religion is wrong, whether straight up or more subtly, by pressing them to
see the “light” in your own religion is generally viewed as a personal attack.
And why shouldn’t it be?
For me and many others, Mormons as
well, this just isn’t acceptable behavior.
I’m willing to bet that ‘Utah Mormons’
have experienced this same thing from people of other faiths and I guarantee
that it wasn’t welcomed behavior for them either. Why? Because people want to
be respected, they want their beliefs to be respected and because people of
other faiths can believe just as firmly in the veracity of their own religion
as ‘Utah Mormons’ do theirs. People, of any faith or lack thereof, just want to
be loved for who they are, not for someone else’s image of them or potential
image.
Now a few words on the second type,
the one who’s motives I’ve yet to truly understand, because just about any way
you slice it, the end result just isn’t nice.
The second type of ‘Utah Mormon’ is,
if anything, almost the complete opposite of the first and possibly more
aggressive. Upon discovering you are not of their faith or have fallen away
they immediately turn cold. You could have been having the best conversation in
the world and suddenly the other person becomes someone else entirely. They may
want nothing to do with you, act as though you are beneath them, like they are
more righteous than you. Maybe they’re afraid that by socializing with you they
are putting their own faith at risk. I don’t know, but people actually believe
things like that.
There’s also a good chance that
instead of ignoring you, they may say things about certain choices you’ve made,
particularly lifestyle choices. They’ll comment on your clothing, piercings or
tattoos. The latter two are favorites
and easy targets. In the Mormon religion it is taught that your body is a
temple, as such you should respect it. Women are allowed one set of piercings
in the earlobes, men are not and tattoos are a no-no for just about anybody.
The comments are often made offhand,
a jab testing your defenses as if they are looking for a weakness. A place they
can sneak in and unleash an almost convert
or die tirade. The comments are made in a way that seem innocent enough,
like something about not being able to get a job or “you’ll regret that later”
or any other number of things and yet, it’s hard not hear the distaste, the
disagreement and bile that spreads over their tongue while they do so. Don’t
get me wrong, there are plenty of well meaning people who can say these things
without even the slightest hint of negativity, but more often than not, in my
own personal experience, this in not true of the majority of those who feel the need make such a comment. I have been amazed, astonished and
genuinely surprised by the cruel things that have been said and shared on
social media, things lathered and double dipped in “good intentions,” by people
I admired and of which I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they should have
known better.
For example, my ex wife had facial
piercings and was often, in church settings, made a target. Avoided or
ridiculed by kind, well meaning people who wanted her to understand that she
shouldn’t be that way. She shouldn’t like the things she liked, she shouldn’t
think the way she thought and shouldn’t express herself the way she did.
To be frank, it pissed me off. It
still does.
But this is not true of everybody.
There were plenty of Mormons who seemed to adore her. They enjoyed talking to
her, about her piercings and her tattoos. They were fascinated by what they meant
and understood that these things were small and insignificant in comparison to
whom she actually was and is. They understood the piercings and tattoos did not
define her, they were and are, only a small layer of the whole.
I loved these people. Not because we were friends, because we
weren’t, we barely knew each other, but I loved them because they were the way all people should be, accepting.
Both types of ‘Utah Mormons’ can
blend together at times and this makes sense because in the end they both stem
from the same roots, an utter lack of understanding of one of the most basic principles
taught in the Mormon religion.
Love
one another.
We are taught, from a very young age, to be “Christ-like”
and accepting of others.
That is a lesson that for many, doesn’t seem to sink in very
well.
A final truth about ‘Utah Mormons’ is that they would never
call themselves a ‘Utah Mormon’ or even realize they are one. Just like the
saying, crazy people don’t think they’re
crazy, ‘Utah Mormons’ don’t think they’re ‘Utah Mormons’.
This post isn’t meant to vilify ‘Utah Mormons’, after all,
we’re all imperfect, we all have shortcomings and just because someone acts
this way does not mean that they are a bad person. It only means they are
human.
I suppose my hope in writing this is to help people, 'Utah Mormons' in particular, be a bit more self aware and encourage them to be more accepting of others and all their differences.
I hope to see your comments. Please feel free to add what
you will; I’m interested in your thoughts, concerns and personal experiences on
this topic. I hope to have a bit of a discussion on this. If you have any questions or something
to add or discuss, please do so and please share this post with others, so they can also read
and share their own insights.
Oh, but let’s all play nice.
