'Utah Mormons'

First and foremost I want to make clear that while the topic I’m writing about focuses on people in the LDS (Mormon) religion, it applies to ALL religions and belief systems, whether there is a God involved or not, from faith to politics. Second and maybe more important is this is not an attack of any sort on Mormons, especially Mormons in Utah, or any other faith or belief system.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known and referred to as the Mormon Church.

I live in Utah and have lived here for the majority of my life. If there are any reading this who are unfamiliar with the state of Utah let’s just say it is predominately Mormon. As such, life in Utah can be a strange thing to behold if you’re from out of state and even more so if you aren’t a Mormon.

The topic I want to address today is one that a friend of mine, who is not Mormon, brought up on Facebook and which immediately received several responses. That topic is the ‘Utah Mormon’.

For anyone in Utah who is not a member of the LDS church, or a former member, often referred to as having “fallen away,” this term is immediately understood to some degree because they have, undoubtedly, crossed paths with a ‘Utah Mormon’.

The term implies that there is a difference between ‘Utah Mormons’ and other (regular?) Mormons and truth be told, there is and it’s a big difference.

While the term ‘Utah Mormon’ seems to imply any Mormon from Utah, this is untrue, because there are many Mormons in Utah who do not share the traits I am about to discuss and there are Mormons outside of Utah who do.

I imagine the term came to life in light of the fact that there is a much greater concentration of Mormons here than anywhere else and because of this there are more people who share these traits, feed off of them and adopt them. You could compare it to a mob mentality, though generally speaking ‘Utah Mormons’ mean well, mostly, but that doesn’t always mean the end result is a good one. To put it more precisely and bit more elegantly, another friend described it as the following, “‘Utah Mormon’ describes a broken social mentality brimming with ignorance, found primarily in [Utah]. Is every Mormon in Utah a ‘Utah Mormon’? No, absolutely not.”

The terminology is unfair, it is a stereotype and unfairness is a defining trait of stereotypes. With that in mind let’s continue.

The original post was, “The difference between Mormons and Utah Mormons: the former accepts and welcomes friends, the latter hopes their friends will someday see the light and repent.”

I agree with this statement and would like to add a bit to it and take it a step further. I believe there are two types of ‘Utah Mormons’.

The first being the type mentioned above.

If you are not a member, or were a member, and you cross paths with a ‘Utah Mormon’, odds are good that they take it as their own personal calling from God to do anything in their power to make sure you convert or return to the church. Or at the very least, they will hope and pray that you do.

I’ve met people like this, I have friends who are like this and you better believe that I have been made a target to these people in the past. To be fair, in the Mormon religion, we are taught to share our beliefs, that “every member [is] a missionary.” I believe there is a big difference between sharing our beliefs and trying to convert anyone who believes differently.

I take issue with this mindset, as does everyone else, including ‘Utah Mormons’. Let me explain why.

Generally speaking, people don’t like or appreciate being told they’re wrong. It’s a pride thing, a human thing. People want to be accepted and liked, no matter what they say or do. It is a very basic attribute. We, being human, are very social creatures. It is in our nature. Even the quiet people, the loners, the bitter and mean, the shy and antisocial all need and crave a certain amount of social interaction and acceptance.

Brazenly trying to convert somebody who isn’t interested may fill a part of that social interaction but I guarantee that the message you are sending to those you wish to convert is anything but acceptance. To be clear, the message sounds more like this, “I’m willing to accept you, but only if you set aside any beliefs that are contrary to my own and accept my religion as the one true faith,”

I know some of you reading this may see that and say, “But my religion is the one true faith,” and this is where I *facepalm* and tell you that you missed the point.

I’m going to throw something out there. People who have a religion tend to believe that their religion is the “one true religion” so telling someone that it isn’t by trying to convince them of the veracity of your own again falls into that whole “you’re wrong” category. This is also true of those who do not have a religion, who may or may not even believe that a God exists at all. They have their reasons for believing what they do, everybody does and those reasons are extremely personal.

These beliefs are so personal that they are often deciding factors for many, if not all, of life’s major decisions. To suddenly tell someone their religion is wrong or that their lack of religion is wrong, whether straight up or more subtly, by pressing them to see the “light” in your own religion is generally viewed as a personal attack.

And why shouldn’t it be?

For me and many others, Mormons as well, this just isn’t acceptable behavior.

I’m willing to bet that ‘Utah Mormons’ have experienced this same thing from people of other faiths and I guarantee that it wasn’t welcomed behavior for them either. Why? Because people want to be respected, they want their beliefs to be respected and because people of other faiths can believe just as firmly in the veracity of their own religion as ‘Utah Mormons’ do theirs. People, of any faith or lack thereof, just want to be loved for who they are, not for someone else’s image of them or potential image.

Now a few words on the second type, the one who’s motives I’ve yet to truly understand, because just about any way you slice it, the end result just isn’t nice.

The second type of ‘Utah Mormon’ is, if anything, almost the complete opposite of the first and possibly more aggressive. Upon discovering you are not of their faith or have fallen away they immediately turn cold. You could have been having the best conversation in the world and suddenly the other person becomes someone else entirely. They may want nothing to do with you, act as though you are beneath them, like they are more righteous than you. Maybe they’re afraid that by socializing with you they are putting their own faith at risk. I don’t know, but people actually believe things like that.

There’s also a good chance that instead of ignoring you, they may say things about certain choices you’ve made, particularly lifestyle choices. They’ll comment on your clothing, piercings or tattoos. The latter two are favorites and easy targets. In the Mormon religion it is taught that your body is a temple, as such you should respect it. Women are allowed one set of piercings in the earlobes, men are not and tattoos are a no-no for just about anybody.

The comments are often made offhand, a jab testing your defenses as if they are looking for a weakness. A place they can sneak in and unleash an almost convert or die tirade. The comments are made in a way that seem innocent enough, like something about not being able to get a job or “you’ll regret that later” or any other number of things and yet, it’s hard not hear the distaste, the disagreement and bile that spreads over their tongue while they do so. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of well meaning people who can say these things without even the slightest hint of negativity, but more often than not, in my own personal experience, this in not true of the majority of those who feel the need make such a comment. I have been amazed, astonished and genuinely surprised by the cruel things that have been said and shared on social media, things lathered and double dipped in “good intentions,” by people I admired and of which I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they should have known better.

For example, my ex wife had facial piercings and was often, in church settings, made a target. Avoided or ridiculed by kind, well meaning people who wanted her to understand that she shouldn’t be that way. She shouldn’t like the things she liked, she shouldn’t think the way she thought and shouldn’t express herself the way she did.

To be frank, it pissed me off. It still does.

But this is not true of everybody. There were plenty of Mormons who seemed to adore her. They enjoyed talking to her, about her piercings and her tattoos. They were fascinated by what they meant and understood that these things were small and insignificant in comparison to whom she actually was and is. They understood the piercings and tattoos did not define her, they were and are, only a small layer of the whole.

I loved these people. Not because we were friends, because we weren’t, we barely knew each other, but I loved them because they were the way all people should be, accepting.

Both types of ‘Utah Mormons’ can blend together at times and this makes sense because in the end they both stem from the same roots, an utter lack of understanding of one of the most basic principles taught in the Mormon religion.

Love one another.

We are taught, from a very young age, to be “Christ-like” and accepting of others.

That is a lesson that for many, doesn’t seem to sink in very well.

A final truth about ‘Utah Mormons’ is that they would never call themselves a ‘Utah Mormon’ or even realize they are one. Just like the saying, crazy people don’t think they’re crazy, ‘Utah Mormons’ don’t think they’re ‘Utah Mormons’.

This post isn’t meant to vilify ‘Utah Mormons’, after all, we’re all imperfect, we all have shortcomings and just because someone acts this way does not mean that they are a bad person. It only means they are human.

I suppose my hope in writing this is to help people, 'Utah Mormons' in particular, be a bit more self aware and encourage them to be more accepting of others and all their differences. 

I hope to see your comments. Please feel free to add what you will; I’m interested in your thoughts, concerns and personal experiences on this topic. I hope to have a bit of a discussion on this. If you have any questions or something to add or discuss, please do so and please share this post with others, so they can also read and share their own insights.

Oh, but let’s all play nice.