As fair warning this is a bit of a rant. Just a raw flow of
thoughts, nothing really concrete. It might not even make a lot of sense; I
guess we’ll find out.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.
I’m very quiet and overly thoughtful. Not thoughtful in the
sense of “I think of others and put them first” because to be honest, I’m kind
of selfish. There are very few people who I think of first, whose needs come
before mine. I don’t mean to be this kind of person, but I am. I’m working on
changing that and being a better person. But to get back on track what I mean
is I think all the time. I ponder on everything and often lose myself to my
thoughts. If I let myself I could be lost in my own head for hours and there
are times I’ve done this exact thing, more often than I would like to admit
actually. It isn’t very conducive to social settings and it is part of why I’m
so antisocial, shy and quiet.
My brain is always going and sucks me in. I space out
several times through out the day.
I’m the type of person that wants all the details, all the
why’s, when’s, where’s, how’s and who’s. I want to weigh all the options before
coming to a decision. I want to know everything and anything I can about
something no matter how trivial because for me, I won’t know if it’s trivial or
not until I’ve heard it. I want to make sure I know all what all the options are.
I drive some people nuts this way and piss off most of the
rest.
But that’s part of who I am.
I evaluate everything.
I analyze all the information I take in.
I think way too
much.
I’m working on making my dreams come true, working on trying
to make money by doing the things I love to do and the things I want to do. I’m
trying to get to the point where I can earn enough to take care of my little
boy and do things and go places.
I want to leave my fingerprint on the world. Make a
difference.
And when you get right down to it, it’s pretty scary.
Real life is scary.
It’s filled with uncertainties and for someone like me
that’s terrifying. Life doesn’t open up and give away all the details and all
the possibilities. There are countless outcomes to any given situation and
decision. Statistically speaking I’m more likely to fail in my quest to make my
dreams come true than succeed.
Life offers no guarantees. It doesn’t promise anything and
if it does it doesn’t mean it’ll honor those promises.
It’s funny how fear works. How it can stop us from doing
what we otherwise want to do. It often gets in the way. It follows us
throughout our lives in many ways. Fear is a constant.
We fear the unknown.
In life, there’s an awful lot of that.
I admire people who can shake that fear away. Some do it
easier than others through faith in something greater than themselves or
through self confidence, ignorance or just sheer stubbornness. I’m trying my
best to overcome fear in all aspects of life, because I hate being afraid. I’m
not really talking about the fear you get when lying in bed in the dark after a
scary movie or when you think someone is following you on a dark street in an
unfamiliar area. It isn’t a fear for your life or anything along those lines.
It’s more a fear of failure. A fear of success. A fear of
whether or not I’m capable of achieving what I want and if I do, if I have what
it takes to continue doing it.
But I guess I’ll never know unless I do it. So that’s what
I’m trying to do. Just go in and do it. I’m trying. A lot of this stuff is new;
it’s well outside my comfort zone. Which is hard to step out of, but I’m trying
and hoping to see some positive results.
I’m curious about what others do to overcome their fears.
Feel free to comment on any type of fear you may have or have had and what you
do/did to overcome it. I’m most interested in those fears that involve leaving
your comfort zone. Stepping out of your little box of relative safety. Fears of
failure. Fears of success. What did you do? How did it go? Did it work?
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