Writing, Guitar Playing and getting organized

I'm happy.

I'll tell you why.

I've recently started writing full steam again, it's the first time I've done so in a very long time. I stopped because it was hard for me to find time to do it, or that's what I told myself. Like I've already mentioned in the previous post, I'm a stay at home dad (which is quite literally the best job in the world because I get to spend all of my time with my son, at home, or wherever our adventures take us), and being a stay at home dad, or just a parent, means there's a little someone who is going to depend on you. Need to eat, have their diaper changed, be entertained, be changed again, fed again, loved and cuddled, have the random objects that have been teleported into their little mouths removed so they don't choke, along a billion other things.

In other words, they take up a lot of time and it's spread out through the entire day. I never really seemed to have time to write, at least, not really enough of it to have a good writing session. I used this, along with lots of other things, as an excuse to not write.

But I've stopped making excuses and as luck would have it, my son is now napping once a day for about three hours.

It is awesome!

I started to use nap time to write and meet the daily word count goal I set for myself at the beginning of the year.

I also did something else that helped, I sat down and wrote out a sort of schedule. I took the hours of the day and counted out how much time I was using productively to get things done. I looked at the hours my son is generally awake and those he spends asleep. I looked at how many hours I use up sleeping, how much I actually needed and thenlooked at the list of daily goals that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed. I estimated about how much time I would need for each item on the list. I compared all of it and found I had time, I just had to stop wasting it on other things and make a little more.

So I cut off everything from myself until I had my daily word count done. No TV, no Facebook, Twitter or internet in general (in fact, I actually cut a lot of it out and set goals for myself to be "present when I'm present" or in other words, not be sucked into my phone while I'm with others. I'm doing better, but still working on it) I also figured if I cut a little sleep out, I could use that extra time in the morning to help get things done.

It worked.

I woke up at 6:30 the other day and sat down and wrote. I wrote over 2,800 words. Some might look at that and scoff but I felt amazed and very proud of myself. That's over my daily word count goal and I did it all before my son woke up for the day. That left me the whole rest of the day to do a lot of other things.

I went running two miles..

Okay, jogging...

Okay, okay, I mostly just walked, but hey, I got out! My son and I actually went outside and walked around and played in the sun.

I cleaned things.

Unbelievable, I know.

I used those three hours of naptime to do other things, like look up some markets for my short stories and look into some at home work opportunities.

I did a lot that day.

Sadly, I only did it once this last week. I am not a morning person.

I repeat.

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

I'm hoping to change that because I used to be and I find that the days I do wake up early, not only do I get a lot done, but I also feel better, healthier and happier.

Another thing I'm really happy about.

I started playing my guitar again!

It feels so good to play music.

I'm rusty, but I'm picking back up on it pretty quick. (Though my hand is not used to playing bar chords anymore. Ouch...). For me, playing the guitar is immensely therapeutic and helps me relieve A LOT of stress in a very healthy way. It's relaxing to just sit down and pluck at the strings and listen.

I'm currently reminding myself how to play an acoustic version of Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls, while also learning Amanda Palmer's The Bed Song and Of Monsters and Men's Dirty Paws. They're all a lot of fun to play.

I'm seriously considering offering guitar lessons, I thought about it once before, but never did anything more than that. I'm currently looking into it, how I would go about it and what I have to offer. I would be mostly for beginners and intermediate players.

I'll post more on that soon.

SO...

What do you do to help you with your goals?
What things do you enjoy that help you relax and relieve stress?

I'm off. It'll be bedtime soon if I plan on getting up to write. Take care. Be seeing you soon.

Friendship, Myself and Regret

Over the past few months I have often found myself looking back on life. Not so much on events, experiences or missed opportunities, as on the people who I've had the honor of meeting, getting to know and in some cases, having the privilege of becoming their friend.

As I looked back at these people who've left their footprints in my soul, I wondered why they're no longer a part of my life. The answer was blatantly obvious, even as the question was formed. The reason why I don't have them anymore is because of me.

For those who don't know me, I'm not a very social person. In fact, the words: anti-social, introvert and socially retarded are all very acute and accurate descriptions of who, and how, I am. I've been told by many people that they were a little intimidated by me at first because I looked angry or upset. I'll admit that I have my bad days, as does everyone, and if I haven't had any food in me for awhile then I do get irritable, but more often than not, I'm actually quite happy.

I'm just quiet. I'm not good at small talk because for some reason my brain just doesn't grasp the concept, if I don't have something to say, something to contribute to the conversation, then I won't say anything. I won't leave your small talk question unanswered (unless I'm spaced out and don't hear it, several of my family members suspect I have ADD to some degree, this would not surprise me in the least), but I won't put forth a lot of effort to keep the small talk going, either. I think this may be because, unlike most people, silence doesn't bother me. It isn't awkward and I don't need every moment to be filled with chatter. My mind finds plenty of stimulation within my own thoughts and my surroundings.

There's more, but I think I've made my point. Being this way makes it hard for me to make friends, I don't open up until I begin to feel comfortable around those I'm with and that can take several days to a week or so, once I do open up, there's no guarantee that anyone will really like me. As I said, I'm a bit socially retarded, which can make things awkward. Of course, generally speaking, once you make friends you go out and do things with them.

I enjoy going out and having fun, but I also love just hanging out at home with a good book. I don't mind being alone and actually prefer it most of the time.

Not to mention, I'm married and on top of that I have a son. A beautiful little boy who happens to be my pride and joy. Literally the light and life of my world. He also keeps me incredibly busy. Sometime last year, after becoming unemployed, my wife and I switched roles, now she works and I'm a stay at home dad (anyone who says this isn't work isn't a parent) and I love it. It can be exhausting though and takes up most of my time. I have a life of my own and like so many others, get caught up in it all too much.

The bad side to all of the above is that while making friends is hard, keeping them is ridiculous. Or at least, maintaining a close friendship. Over time, they kind of just fade away. There a few people who I will always consider friends, no matter how long it's been since I last saw them. These are the people I've been looking back on as of late.

I know that one of these friends was married not too long ago and I hear he's happy, for which I'm very grateful. Another, I know almost nothing about, it's been years since we last spoke and we parted ways on terms that weren't all that great. I don't think this person really considers me a friend anymore and I doubt they'd have any desire for me to be one again, but I will always consider myself a friend to this person and if a day come when they need me, I will be there. That goes for all of my friends, but for these two doubly. They've had more of an impact on my life then either will ever know and both helped me through a difficult time in my life.

I hear about the first every now and then, the two of us drifted away after I met my wife but we continued talking at work, then I lost my job. Months before I'd gotten a new phone, lost his contact info and never bothered to get it again. I should. I don't think it would be very difficult in his case.

As for the other, I've only heard a couple bits here and there from my sister. All I really hope is that this friend is happy because they deserve nothing less. I'd love to reestablish that friendship, but I worry the bridge is burnt, that they wouldn't be happy to see me and that I might do more damage than good.

This post is starting to go on a little long so I'll wrap up.

I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them, and to each of them and to anyone else I may have hurt or neglected.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to be a better person. A better friend.

If you've read this, I want you to know.

I miss you, I love you and hope you are well.

Recent Fuss about Libraries

Just recently there has been an uprising of authors and readers in defense of libraries and their usefulness. It was caused by a successful author who is best known for his Horrible Histories series, Terry Deary.

He is quoted as saying libraries "have been around too long", are "no longer relevant" and that they've "had their day."  He believes they are a "drain on taxpayers and authors"

Of those who have responded to this I think Neil Gaiman's was one of my favorites when he stated that Deary was "selfish & stupid, short-sighted and sad" but "mostly selfish". John Scalzi also offered up his two-cents about libraries and how, in no small way, they have made him who he is.

Read about it here: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2013/02/23/a-personal-history-of-libraries/

On that note, I'd like share my first memory of being in a library and how libraries, like so many people have pointed out over the last week or so, have turned me into a reader.

It was in Grand Junction, Colorado, I was very young and in the 1st grade. I loved books back then, or rather, I loved to have books read to me. I wasn't fond of actually reading, but I loved the pictures. My teacher at school had read us a book called Even Steven and Odd Todd and I had loved it. I thought it was brilliant and I wanted it. I wanted to read it for myself. I asked my mom if she'd get it for me and she took me to the library. I had my heart set on that book, but to my disappointment the library didn't have it. I was told, however, that I could take home any book in the building. I remember looking around and thinking that that was a lot of books.

It wasn't until a few years later, during my sixth grade year that my love of reading exploded into a literary gorging of words. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone was the book that started it all, from there came all things Star Wars, I specifically remember reading Timothy Zahn's trilogy and loving every word. My dad then introduced me to Tom Clancy and Clive Cussler and I eventually found many. many more. I own a small bookshelf overfilled with books, the one's I could afford and some I probably couldn't but bought anyway. I have read, hundreds upon hundreds of books (if not thousands) and that would have been impossible for me to do so if it were not for the libraries.

I love libraries, they've helped shape me and they've done the same to countless others. I used to spend hours at the library reading, writing and studying. The library is home for those who seek knowledge, entertainment and access to things they otherwise don't have. I'm very thankful for libraries and librarians, even the grumpy ones who never seemed to like me, because they always had an answer or could find one, and were always brimming with great suggestions.

Read the original interview with Terry Deary here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/feb/13/libraries-horrible-histories-terry-deary 

Stress, Unemployment but mostly an apology

The last several months have been exceedingly stressful. I was fired for missing work when my wife was in the hospital and I had no one to watch my son. I started looking for a job and still haven't found one. I ended up applying for unemployment because if I didn't my family would have to leave our home. My wife applied for food stamps which is really the only thing that has allowed us to eat the last several months.

I can't tell you how stressful being jobless is, many of us in today's society understand the feeling, having been there, but if you haven't it isn't something I'd recommend. As the days go by it gets harder, being turned down and ignored by most places of business is discouraging and if you don't keep yourself busy everyday you start to slip downward into a strangely shaped rut and depression starts pressing in (not clinical depression, though if you do have that being jobless doesn't help.)

It's a weight that presses down on you, especially if you're expected to be the bread winner of the household, and though roles are changing quickly, men tend to fall under that expectancy. Of course, being a man, I also feel the need to go out and work and support my family. I'm married to my best friend and an absolutely beautiful woman and together we have the most amazing little boy (I know, every parent says that about their own kids and there's a reason for that, a reason you'll only understand if you actually have a child because really there's no way to explain the magic, wonder and love that comes from watching your child grow up and learn). I feel a need to provide for them, support them and protect them.

We live in a basement apartment, my wife exchanges her nanny services for the greater part of our rent and until just recently, the unemployment I was receiving covered the rest, but the money I qualified for ran out, I'm still out of a job and still need to pay rent. I'm stressed, job hunting is so time consuming that when you don't hear back from anybody at all it fills you with doubts, about yourself, about whether it's worth the investment (of course it is, you need income to live, not just survive). I'm so very grateful for my wife and all she does and for the time that I've had with my son, who just turned nine months. I've formed a bond with him I hadn't had time for while working and have watched him grow, he sits up and crawls and walks along the furniture, he's getting to the point where he's starting to figure out how to stand up by himself and if he's there he doesn't need to hold on to anything while he does it. I've been able to see him learn all this and it's amazing.

It's stressful too.

I never understood just how hard and tiring being a parent is, even with just one. They demand attention, need to be fed, changed and put down for naps. You need to play with them, spend time with them and love them. Sometimes it's all very easy, but even at the end of an easy day you're exhausted.

Then there are the stresses of everyday life, everything just piles on top of the other and before you know it you just can't handle anymore and you find your patience has run thin. That happened to me today and I took my frustrations out on the one person in this world that matters and I'm sorry, and doubly sorry because today is the one day that I should have done everything I could to make special.

It's my anniversary and I'm very sorry. I love my wife more than she'll ever truly understand and I'm so proud of her and everything she has accomplished and overcome. She deserves to be happy more than anybody I've ever met. I didn't help much with that tonight. She's a beautiful woman, a loving mother and a stupendous wife and I couldn't ask for a better friend.

I'm sorry for everything, if I could take back the words I would. But words spoken can't be taken back, so I'll be sure to speak more carefully in the future.

I love you very much, Ashley.

Happy Anniversary.

The Bad Bug, Short Stories and a Beta Read

Confession time! This last week was not good for my goals.. any of them. Not for lack of wanting to do them, I would have loved to have gone running everyday and worked on my WIP.

Late Monday night I started feeling ill, my stomach was upset and I had a headache. I woke around 3 in the morning and vomited several times (not sure I'll ever like chili again), I didn't feel good the rest the week, yesterday was the first day my stomach decided not to gurgle and roll like a storm tossed sea.

So I got very little writing done and even less exercise, but tomorrow is the beginning of a new week and I'll be back at it (at least I'm doing the blog on time this week).

I've sent out a couple more of my short stories for submissions and have another I'm in the process of writing, once finished I'll be submitting it to Clarkesworld Magazine, keeping my fingers crossed and looking at others that may be interested in my shorts.

Despite this last week, my WIP is coming along nicely and I decided to finally set down a goal for when I want to be finished writing and start the first draft of revisions, a deadline if you will (for myself). I'm aiming for Feb 12th, just a few days before LTUE (which I wish could attend, there's always next year). After that I'll find a couple poor souls willing to read it and give me some feedback.

On that note, I volunteered to beta read The Sometimes Sword by Trevor Green, you can find out more and see what he's up to on his blog beyonddragonsandwizards.blogspot.com. It's a great blog about his going ons, thoughts and goals as he himself works on making his dreams a reality. As far as his manuscript (and I'm sorry Trevor) I only recently started reading it but have quickly been pulled in (I promise to get some feedback to you this week!!)

How are your goals coming along? Have you had any speed bumps in your efforts? Are you helping others live up to their goals? Or accomplish their dreams?

Yesterdays Post, Today

I missed writing this yesterday and I won't say it's not entirely my fault, but between a sick puking baby boy and the video game my wife and I are currently playing, it was very late before I even realized it.

So, I'm trying to make up for it by writing this today while I watch my son, who seems to be feeling better and who keeps disappearing down the hall to the bedroom where his mom is trying to sleep.

I'm doing well with my goals, especially writing on a daily basis and while I still haven't managed to hit my daily word count, the consistency of writing everyday has made it easier to write and I've managed to write more and more in the small amount of time I find during the day to do so.

William has just gone down for a nap and drank most of his bottle, I'm hoping he keeps it down and stays asleep for a good long while. I'm very tempted to go crawl back into my nice warm bed next to my still sleeping wife. I won't though, I promised myself I'd start getting up early and taking care of my daily goals first thing, so I'll be on the treadmill soon and then writing after a nice shower.

How have you fared with your own goals for this year? Are they coming along? Are you struggling? Is there anything that helps you met them?

New Year

When was my last post? Oh yeah, in Octob-..

Oops!

Not surprising I'm sure. Now on to business.

A new year! Which means new opportunities, new adventures and new goals. Yup, I'm jumping on that bandwagon folks! Grumble if you will, cheer me if you must, but I've got me a few resolutions.

Though, I'll call them goals because, well, resolution just seems to have become a negative thing, hasn't it? When you say you have a new year's resolution (or resolutions) no one believes you'll follow through, or at least not for long. I intend to meet my goals, and if possible (and where plausible) exceed them. I'd also like to share them with you, so someone else out there knows.

First off, I want to get healthy (no, I don't mean lose weight, though that'll probably happen, I mean get healthy. Eat right, exercise and all that)

• 40 minutes of cardio 5x/week
• Many much more vegetables, less meat
• No preprepared/junk food (I'm sure I'll have a cheat day now and then)

Also I intend to do more to actively follow my dreams, namely

• Write daily. 2k words Mon-Sat and a blog entry each Sun (we'll get to see each other more often! Isn't that exciting! ... *ahem* Uh, let's ignore that shall we?)
• Actively submit my short stories to lit mags; online and print
• Finish and query at least two novels
• At least start a third
• Read 30 books

I'd really like to become more active in the writing community as well, via social media and in person where possible. I'd love to attend both LTUE and CONduit, though the first probably won't happen. No job, no money and it's in the middle of next month. (Also, find a job, get interviewed, get hired.. but that goes without saying)

Anywho, those are my goals for this year. At least the ones I remember at the moment, which are also the ones I had the presence of mind to write down. Writing them down helps. I'm sure there are more, or will be, but for now these are the things I intend to work on this year.

I hope you all have a great year, that you do something, many somethings. That you take risks, make mistakes and learn and grow and create.

Until next week, enjoy my very favorite new year's wish

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

 

-Neil Gaiman

 

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2011/12/my-new-year-wish.html